Some of the Apostles were downright jerks…

April 18th, 2012 § Leave a Comment

In the apocryphal tales of the Apostles, they often did cruel and nasty things to their “enemies”. Maybe they were just bad-asses? For example Phillip tortures a challenging rabbi by having him buried alive:

Looking towards the heavens, Phillip cried out in Hebrew “Zabarthan, sabathabat, bramanouch” at his command the earth split open taking Ananias in to his knees.

Trapped in the earth up to his knees Ananias sarcastically announced “This is really magic that the earth split when you commanded it so in Hebrew. So there are hooks pulling at my legs to make me believe, but I will not, because this is witchcraft!”

Phillip sat down, crossed his legs, rested his chin on his hands, sighed “Ok, take him to the middle” The ground rumbled and Ananias sunk lower. Unfazed, Ananias said “One foot is cold, one is hot, but still I will not be persuaded by sorcery”

The 500 men, still blind, started to throw rocks in Anaias’ direction hoping to stone him. Phillip called for them to stop, “This is for your salvation, if he repents, I will bring him up, if not, then he will be swallowed into the deep” He spread out his hands to the blinded men, “Let it be!” and the men began to regain their sight. They calmed from their panic and gave praises of thanks.

“Ananias,” Phillip continued “believe now with a pure heart that Jesus is Lord, and you will be saved like these men.” Ananias spit to the ground and laughed at Phillip.

“So it is. Take him to the neck now” The ground rumbled at Phillip’s command and swallowed him so that only his head was above the ground. The afternoon labored on, Ananias remaining defiant, and Phillip speaking with the crowd.

Acts of Phillip

Or Peter… a man asks why he hasn’t cured his daughter, who is stricken with illness. Peter answers the man ‘oh not a problem –  just watch’, and he cures Petrollina. Everyone’s amazed. Then,

[…] Peter said to his daughter ” Go unto thy place, and lay thee down and be again in thine infirmity, for this is expedient for me and for thee“. And the maiden went back and lay down in her place and was as beforetime :  and the whole multitude wept, and entreated Peter to make her whole.

Acts of Peter

Or the Apostles Jude & Thaddeus, who are on trial for humiliating the local pagans allows venomous snakes to eat at his enemies for a couple days

The priests performed exquisite trickery, and the apostles responded with equally powerful miracles. The climax of the trial was a cloak filled with poisonous snakes forced upon the Apostles. Naturally, the serpents that did not bite the Apostles, but when placed on the priests the serpents bit and tore at them. The apostles would not permit the serpent’s venom to kill the priests, but permitted the pain to last three days.

The Golden Legend: Apostles Thaddeus and Jude


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